This coin beneath my pillow has two sides. Heads; Kobo, Tail; Cents.
Last night I sat in my living room room watching Ory Okolloh’s TED talk on how she became an activist. She talked about how she walked away from a six-figure paying job in the United States and returned to Kenya. Whether and when I want to return fully to live in Nigeria has been on my mind for a lot lately. Whether or not i want to apply for a Green Card So hearing her say “for those of you in the diaspora who are struggling with where should I be, should I move back, should I stay? You know just jump! The continent needs you” really inspired me. Okolloh flipped the coin and it landed on heads last night. I was excited for what I can do to help Nigeria and Africa as a whole.
This morning, I woke up to the news of the bomb attacks on the U.N headquarters in Nigeria’s capital, Abuja where 18 people were reported dead by CNN and 8 injured. Suddenly the coin was flipped again. Just when you decide to be positive and to incite the change you desire to see, you get reminders of the scary scene in Nigeria and become cynic questioning again whether it is worthwhile to move back.
I have read all the angry facebook statuses and tweets and listen to Nigerians express their disgust or disappointment in the Nigerian government. Although the Nigerian government is not without fault, I feel like a lot of Nigerians (probably me included) like to pass on blame to someone else. Sometimes I think of what it would take to get to a peaceful state in Nigeria. Would it require a revolutionary war like the on-going one in Libya? If it would, are we ready to fight? You see if I am still contemplating when and whether I want to go back to help and invest in my country because I fear for my safety and the safety of my children that are yet to be born, then do I have the right to really criticize our leaders? Are we (Nigerians) too afraid to seek and to be the change we desire? The government plays a large part in the welfare of a country but so do the citizens. If the citizens are complacent or afraid of their own voice. Too afraid to demand accountability from the leaders, to afraid to oppose violence (whether religious or political), and indeed to afraid to even live in the country they want to see “change”, then is there any hope for revolutionary change?
Now I stand on the vertical side of this coin, too afraid, too confused to pick a side. Afraid to stand on ‘Tail” for if I do, my own heart would haunt me for abandoning the place I call home. For allowing myself to be a coward and to run away from my ability to incite change. Afraid to land on “Heads” because if I do, I might die there, without seeing the change I desire, without recognition for my pursuit.
Are we too afraid to seek and be change? And if we are, do we have the right to complain?
~Bernadette Ikhena~
~Bernadette Ikhena~
Obviously, fear is a natural reaction that instinctively makes us evade danger and reach for the safest and most comfortable solution. However, this doesn't imply that fear should have such a negative connotation all the time; after all, reacting to what we are afraid of can be beneficial for us - ultimately saving our lives.
ReplyDeleteNow, allowing a fear to paralyze you and not act properly in a given situation can also get you eaten.
This is why I say that it is up to you to make up your mind on what you want to do and most importantly, decide why you want to do so. If the reasons for doing (or abstaining from doing) something are restrictive, to the point they smother and disappoint you making you regret your choices... then probably you should reconsider fighting against that emotion.
On the other hand, if you think that although you want to take action the wise thing to do is to remain passive it's alright as well. No one other than yourself is going to judge your life, so make sure that you are confident on your choices and the reasoning behind them.
If you feel indecisive about a particular subject, don't disregard this - put some effort into studying the situation as a whole and all possible ways you could contribute in.
--- Taking Nigeria's political situation as an example:
You don't need to be in the army's first line of defense taking on the deadliest shots in order to be of good to your country - in fact, if everybody did so then no progress would be made. There are plenty of ways and paths to take in which you could give back to your country without you actively participating in a rebellion there right now. In fact, it may very well be that Nigeria isn't in the best shape to allow you to grow as a leader than can and potentially will inspire positive change in the nation.
Of course, I am not encouraging anybody to give up and throw in the towel. All I am suggesting is you figure out what you want to fight for, and make sure it is for all the right reasons. Then develop a strategy plan and, honestly, all the best - for when you finally get here you will have commenced to walk the path of your life as a mature adult person.
All the best!
Thank you so much for your response! When I read "now allowing a fear to paralyze you and not act properly in a given situation can also get you eaten." I felt that's certainly true. But in this case, couldn't the same fear also save you or provide more safety and convenience? I guess it would still end up eating you on the inside.
ReplyDeleteYou're very right about putting some effort into studying the situation. Whether something is constantly on my mind I'm tempted to disregard it and push thinking about it to a later time. But this particular issue isn't letting me off the hook so quickly. So I really need to study the situation, figure out what exactly I want to contribute, how I want to go about (or at least start it) and whether or not I would have to be in Nigeria to fully giveback. Thanks so much for providing me with sort of a guide towards lucidity of thoughts. I would probably put up a blogpost when I finally decide. By the way, you tilted the coin a little to the heads face :)
when something*
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